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Hong Kong Zombies!!

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  1. #1

    Join Date
    May 2011
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    33

    Hong Kong Zombies!!

    Is Hong Kong populated by Zombies?
    Yes, you know what Zombies are....the undead humans who stumble blindly (yet determindely) toward the living, intent on grappling with them, and perhaps taking a chunk of flesh from them!

    When I first arrived in HK a few months ago I thought I was imagining this phenomenon. But after a few weeks of zombie dodging I felt compelled to compare notes with my fellow 'nouveau arriveés'.

    Each of them had similiar stories to relate - how walking through HKIA on arrival was like dodging sleep walkers on a mission. How this later turned into a realisation that the 'sleepwalkers' were in fact wide awake, but zombified!

    No matter how puny or undernourished they might appear, no matter what age or gender, the zombie walker never alters course. Even when confronted with an ankle destroying luggage trolley they hold their ground.

    Even if you are a 6ft Germanic rugby playing fitness freak - they plough on, in a dead straight line across your path. Or on head on collision course. Dodging them is futile. They suddenly halt in front of you, to snort the night air, deftly sidestepping your attempts to circumnavigate them.
    This is obstructionism with a deadly will.

    And its not only the airport - they infest every mall and street in the city.
    Zombie dodging soon becomes tiresome.

    In the end my Germanic friend found a winning formula.
    When confronted with a zombie walker, he loudly and flamboyantly hawks up a loogie. This seems to snap them out of their catatonic reverie, and they flee like vampires before the dawning light.
    SARS triumphs all Evils.

    Aside from that, Hong Kong ain't bad.
    So far.

    Cheers.

    Last edited by Starbuck; 10-05-2011 at 04:13 AM.
    squid, deemongcal, TheBrit and 4 others like this.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
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    1,154

    They are all infected by the g-virus, developed by Umbrella Corp.

    speaking of umbrellas, guess you haven't been stabbed in the eye/ear/neck yet?


  3. #3

    Join Date
    Feb 2010
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    Just face it, the visual perception of many asians are different to yours. With a dense population, small sidewalks and streets and also a high porpotion of tourist that don't need to be in a particular place (except the next Doir or LV store) then you are bound to come across someone with a different walking agenda than yours.


  4. #4

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
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    I dont mind the zombie dodging... You just have to accept it or you'll just be enfuriated all the time when walking.

    What Im always amazed by are the people who just stop at the end of escalators trying to decide where to go.

    I think the funniest are the people who slide niftly through a closing door so they dont touch the handle or whatever their reason is. Ive seen some girls slip through some very tight gaps. Im about to applaud them but I always seem to get interrupted by a door nearly slamming into my face


  5. #5

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Hong Kong
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    310

    Some zombies don't even walk in straight lines, they just keep twisting their line of path as they walk like towards a right turn they keep getting closer to the walls of MTR and towards end of escalator towards the centre of it. They even carry suitcases in Malls to collect their shiz cause they can't lift shopping bags as they are zombies. My wife tried to push of them down but they don't even hear/show any attention. Of course they can't hear you, they are real undead zombies and we need a saviour!

    dear giant likes this.

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
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    14,414

    Here we freaking go again


  7. #7

    Join Date
    May 2010
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    Back in California (finally!).
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    Not bad, Starbuck (although I wonder whether you have posted under a different name here before?)

    Also, did you name yourself after the character in Moby Dick, or after the coffee chain?

    But you are correct. For a Westerner, the apparently cluelessness and tunnel vision of people in HK and China is pretty frustrating. Most amazing, of course, is the 90-degree collision, when someone leaving a store decides to cross a street or alleyway, and walks straight into you. Happens all the time. One would think that HK, despite being a melange of cultures and heritages, would reach some agreement on whether one is supposed to walk on the right or the left; there is no such consensus, so chaos ensues.

    And, of course, things have only gotten worse since smart phones became ubiquitous - everyone is always doing 'something else' instead of what they are supposedly doing, walking down the street.

    However, I am doubtful about the efficacy of your "Germanic" friend's tactic of hawking to scare the zombies away. Many of the zombies are already doing that themselves; it seems unlikely to scatter them.

    squid, OZTOHK and dear giant like this.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Gold Coast Marina
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    After a detailed analysis of this behaviour (ok, i started a similar thread a few years ago and read the replies) I determined that the best strategy is to ignore them all completely, walk straight down the street bouncing off them and just do my own thing.

    The main drawback is forgetting I have left HK and doing this in a civilised country where it results in squalks of protest and I have to apologise......

    Yes - as a newbie this behaviour is bizarre and irritating. Don't worry - you'll get used to it. The 'oldies' on the forum will tell you to be culturally sensitive and not forget you are in their city, not your own. The more sensible folks will tell you just to barge through like everyone else. If you are large and germanic at least you have a size advantage! Enjoy the unique HK cultural experience while you can

    squid, Satay Sue, Loz_2 and 8 others like this.

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    In my end of HK these zombies usually shrink a few centimeters and start looking at their feet when a collision is about to occur. They seem to avoid eye contact at all cost.

    dear giant likes this.

  10. #10

    Quite an amusing post although I just don’t relate. Just do your own thing and relax. If you feel the need to whine anonymously about the natives on a little internet forum you obviously lack the ability to deal with these everyday situations in real life. Seems a bit weak to me. Cheers.

    IvanD likes this.

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